When You Stop Believing,
& Start Doubting
This whole workshop for today kind of helped (: It made me think about this and that, or maybe about just everything. And it was superb la. Like you find out things you never knew and how your mentality actually affects the way you do things. It's really true, we tried.
Anyway, as I'm lazy to type everything that happened today, I shall just type what I feel like (: Okay. I can't remember when was the last time I actually believed in myself. I really can't. All throughout my entire life, I think I never really believed in myself. But I can remember doubting.
Leroy, one of the trainers, said that when we were small kids, we had big dreams. Some dreamed of becoming doctors, lawyers, etc etc. And we had actually believed that one day it would come true. But now, all our dreams are becoming smaller and smaller, some even disappeared. It made hell lot of sense since it's all true. I remembered a time when I believed everything and anything was possible.
Well, that was when we were small & innocent. And I think it's also true that society is poisonous in its own way la. Like how all our ways of thinking got altered because of environment. From that state of believing anything, we started to doubt everything. Or at least, it's me.
I guess I have kind of lost hope in myself since a very long time ago. Super long time ago. Especially now when so many things happen which makes you feel inferior or just simply, stupid. Oh I can only remember feeling stupid. One of the few times I felt smart was only when I passed my Math tests this year. Even that, the feeling faded because compared to the others, simply passing doesn't seem like such a big goo ga thing.
Maybe I feel a little more motivated than I did yesterday. Now at least I know how my mentality affects my performance. How telling myself that I cannot fail isn't good enough. I ought to tell myself that I can do it, I will do it. It seems easy enough, but changing a whole mindset certainly isn't easy.
But easy or not, I still have to last the year. So I think I'll change my mindset (: Although I'm tired, I had to get this out of my system. Yay (:
