When It All Seems So Bleak

tomorrow seems like a dark & gloomy day.
today seemed like a tearful day.
yesterday didn't feel much better.

sometimes you just have to learn not to expect so much. expectations come with disappointments, however small. i don't feel much like blogging. but sometimes when there's no one around, it just makes me feel better anyhow.

results came back today, didn't do well. although i kind of knew that i won't be doing well, seeing it in black and white makes a world of difference. sure, you can think anything you like in your head, but when you hit reality, seeing it all turn true, it's different. i was sad, am sad, so didn't go for training today. there's no point la. i don't even have the mood to slack. all i ever want to do is just maybe sleep.

you know of all people, i didn't expect my dad to rub things in. just now on the way home, he said a lot of things about now that things are like this, i should learn how to do things different, make things better, work harder. but hey, don't i know it? don't you get it that that's not what i need right now? i don't want to hear how badly i've screwed things up because i know full well that i had, i do not need reminders thank you very much. i just want to bang my head against the wall or just sleep or anything, just to keep myself from thinking.

all i want to do right now is maybe be alone and just, sleep. yeah, i think that's what i should do. hope tomorrow will be a brighter day, although i highly doubt it. i have yet to tell my mother, i know she'll scream down the roof. oh damnit. my life is permanently screwed.

take me through another time & day
take me through things that don't hurt so much
take me through anything,
anything but this.
just not this, not at all.

5:28 PM;