The Sun May Be Shining,
But The Light In My Life Is Gone
Damnit la. My dad called early in the morning to ask me to wake up, wanting me to do tuition homework which I have absolutely no mood in doing. And I had thought, okay, today's a brand new day, Charm won't be thinking about what happened yesterday, she's going to move on.
But what happened? My dad had to call and kind of persuaded me to drop Higher Chinese. Oh fuck la. I didn't want to think about it anymore, I didn't want to talk about Chinese anymore, in fact, I still don't. He wants me to take Chinese whenever they're going to put the retake date. And it comes along with a whole string of theory. He actually said all it comes down to is up to me, but he keeps going on and on why I should drop Higher Chinese. FUCK.
It's not exactly giving me a choice, is it? There he is sending the signal that he wants me to drop. No, don't try to make it sound so flowery and pretty. It all boils down to me whether I'm going to be stubborn and do things my way, or do things your way because it's supposedly better and all that stuff. But hey, can you guarantee I will get an A if I tried again? You said I can't guarantee I can pass my Higher Chinese at the end of the year, and that's so bloody encouraging you know. That is so encouraging. But can you even prove that I can and will get an A? No, you can't.
You've only managed to darken my day with more complicated things than I'm ready to handle right now. You've only managed to make me feel dumber than I felt yesterday. Okay, I know I'm stupid, now that it's all in black and white. I know a whole lot of shit has happened, but it ain't making it any better. My head's clouded with a decision I don't want to make, I don't want to be forced to make a bloody decision that is going to make or ruin my entire life. Oh thank you very much, my day definitely started off well.
Ah shit la, I am so sick and tired of feeling pissed at everything, or even feeling sorry for myself. Oh and my smart brother who got an A for his Chinese has a right in telling me what to do, huh? I hate it when you use the word
even.
Even my so very intelligent brother got an A in Chinese, he failed his Higher Chinese. I know what it's implying okay, what you're implying. It shows very clearly that you doubt that I'll ever pass my Higher Chinese Os since a very certain individual couldn't. I don't want to get mad, it takes up a lot of energy, but I'm trying hard not to get mad.
This all proves that Charm is stupid, dumb & retarded. Sh will get 30 points for her O levels at the end of the year. If she continues and take Higher Chinese, she'll fail. If she drops and retake Chinese, she still may not get an A. How very exciting.
