When Reasons Run Out
& the lies turn to truths. When everything you believed in turns into illusions. Everything you cared about went away, leaving you feeling empty inside and that life has lost its meaning. People you know slowly becoming strangers, like a lifetime had gone by without you knowing. Things change, people change. Yet you don't understand why. It all seems to be like a whole new concept, something you're hanging on to. You make up reasons & excuses to cover up reality, but one day the reasons are going to run out. And what will happen to you, then? What will?Sometimes no reason is good enough. No reason good enough to explain all that had happened, all the hurt and pain I've been through or the memories I turn over & over in my head. So many times the tears I've cried, thinking of what could have been. Yet thinking maybe I was just foolish & stupid. Foolish to have believed you for your words, words you could have told many others. Stupid to never see that day coming, the day darkness & sadness swallowed me whole. It was never about me, was it? It was all about you and what you thought. You left no feelings for those you've hurt. I've seen it all happening, don't think I didn't.You've changed so much, or maybe I just didn't know you. But somehow, I believe that the person I knew still existed. Somewhere deep inside. You said I've changed, well, maybe I have and it's all thanks to you. The short short time it happened changed everything about me. My perspective of life, my determination to fight and everything else. But I could also say the same about you, that you've changed, too. You're so different that I don't think I know you at all. Maybe it's just you towards me, but that's more than enough. You've changed but somehow, deep inside, I feel all mixed up. Now all I ever want is nothing else than to talk to you, to call you my friend. Is it too much to ask? Is it?Years and years of awkwardness. I want to put it all aside, to pretend nothing ever happened. Just like you're pretending right now. All these times I've been hiding everything, and doing it for more years to come won't kill me. But the awkwardness now really puts me in a spot. It just doesn't feel comfortable at all. I just want to be happy, to continue to be happy. Sometimes, the precious short moments, it feels like as though you're that friend again. The friend I had & lost. But the moments disappeared so fast it only went along with the other memories I have. Memories I had. No matter how hard I try, you're not responding. I tell you what. I'm giving up. Maybe that's what you intend for me to do and was waiting for me to. Don't worry, I have tried and held on for long enough. I'm tired. I have other things on my mind. without you adding on to them. It's been long enough. Maybe friends just can't work out anymore. Hello world, I'm feeling emo.
